Bubble

 What is this flame you have lit inside of me
That illuminates the night sky
thaws the cold serenity that I feign
Leaving me unable to mask the pain and vulnerability?

And what is this you do whenever you look at me

That leaves me transparent and my wicked heart still

Amid dreams and restlessness as I disappear into your head

If not magic or a spell you have cast?

So I explore the space where your neck meets your shoulder

A small moan escapes your lips 

the storms and the pain cease to inhabit your face

As possibilities are born no longer limited by experience

And I touch your face and kiss your lips

Hold you against me afraid to let you go

We anticipate every conversation we will ever have

While trapped in this bubble for a brief eternity

Grief

He was soft

his fur shined

he loved to be scratched 

on his cheeks

Nuzzle into my hand

i felt his wet nose

on my thumb

The first thing I noticed

He would not eat

Then he would

I thought it was ok

He lost weight

his fur still shone

His skin was loose

he would still nuzzle

my hand

He was not ok

I could no longer

deny

hide from the inevitable

his fur started to fall out

the vet said

we can only make him comfortable

He would not

Should not

Suffer

There was nothing

to be done for me

I had to get it together

To make the last

trip

I wanted to give him

Something special

But he was done eating

He still curled on my

lap

He still purred

Nuzzled my hand

I could tell 

he knew

An IV in his arm

Us alone in the room

I had to say goodbye

Through my tears

I wonder if he knew

What was coming

But finally it was

time

He went to sleep

My heart shattered

Grief never ends

I miss his wet

Nose on  my thumb

His soft fur on my cheek

Desire to Regret

 By now I must be

little more than an ache you

once felt

I miss you so much but

It was written from the

Start that I would disappear

That I would stay only as long as desire

I was the devil sent to tempt

You with forbidden lies

I was the apathetic god 

That sent the devil so I

Could watch with disinterest

I am the lie that anything

Exists on the path from desire

To regret

I keep you near only

Until you love me

Until the intensity overwhelms

The light and dark burst

From your chest

I am blinded and choked

Clutch my throat

Fall to my knees

Press my head to the pavement

I must leave so I

Might die alone

Remove my mask

Fade into anonymity

The winter will melt

I will become that ache you feel 

Somewhere between sin and misery

While I seek a muse to hear my confession

Your scar that tells the story of me

Fades to nothing

Never

I choose this medium
Sometimes I never want to
Promise an ending
I envision the light and shade
The hunger
For the lie of the canvas
Painted the many hues of gray
A beauty that never came to be
Repeat Deeper
An impotent scream from high
Beyond our understanding
I curl into a ball
At the base of the mountain
And wonder why I would imagine
Such a desolate place

Experience

When do we cease to
Be aware?
All experience is memory
Death is the end of
Memory
How long before
Does everything go
Dark?
A second?
A minute?
A year?
Will we experience

Death?

In the Park

 I sat on the bank
Watching the creek
Flow
The lines pop out
As waves move
Past rock and rural
Debris
Leaves rustle
Overhead a bird
Lands on the other
Side
I am overcome
With how alive
As the world
Pulses around me
Tears sting my 
Eyes and I am helpless
Burdened
With how little I matter
Yet waste my life
Anyway

12/10/21

A Quiet Mind

A quiet mind
Nothing to say
No opinions
No stories
A terrible waste
It is an unfortunate state
It is the price
However
For a quiet mind

Bugs

Just a few bugs to work through
Or so I thought
The persistence of one
You know the one
Nags at me
A high pitched buzz in my ear
An itch on my back
Where I cannot reach
Throwing chaos one wrench at a time
Slap yourself
A futile gesture
The bugs will remain
At least though
It's only a few
Just a small few

If

If I follow this prompt
I might not skip today
If my coffee is ready soon
The words that appear on this
Page might be worth reading
If I can stay awake
The things that need to
Get Done
Might finally get done (but probably not)
If I can gather the remnants
Of a once promising life
Into a cohesive being of
Energy and Light
Facing the world with strength and power
If I had more words...

Time

I'll be young forever
Twenty five is too old
Impatient to strike out
In the world
To do everything
And nothing
Fall in love
At least for a little while

And ten years go by

No longer young
Thirty is not what I thought
Not old yet
Still time to do
Everything I haven't started
No longer in love
Not sure how it happened
Why it took so long to die

And ten years go by

Everyone my age has gotten old
Forty five is too young
I am alone
Up to nothing
Because nothing matters
There is no way to do
Everything I want
Eleven years is too much
Everything is too fast

And ten years go by

Memory

The magic entailed
In reliving our time
Alone together
Comes with it
The other side of the memory

The magic involved
Brings with it
The pain of the end
The world come undone
From one side to the next

The magic indeed
Is that everything ends
To enter the memory you must leave
The beginning must seem
Almost worth the end

Pacific

Standing on the beach
Feeling the water on her toes
The salt in the air
Stinging her eyes with tears
It was all her life
Leading to this moment
Feeling overcome by
The infinity of the ocean
Her face told the story
10,000 years of war and peace
Her heart an enclave
Almost safe from the turmoil

I am trapt within my fascination
Pure beauty and strength
Are what I see
As she stands guard
One more night
Against the tide

Congregation

A congregation now vacant
Gathers to hang on his words
To worship his voice
Consume his lies
Dedicated to all who
Believed in his wisdom

He plays to the assembled crowd
His voice rising
To greet the back
To sway the front
As blind eyes gaze upon
The misdirection

Those days have come
Those days have gone
Dust is all that remains
His voice now hollow
His hands limp by his sides
The mask hiding his defeat askew