Bubble

 What is this flame you have lit inside of me
That illuminates the night sky
thaws the cold serenity that I feign
Leaving me unable to mask the pain and vulnerability?

And what is this you do whenever you look at me

That leaves me transparent and my wicked heart still

Amid dreams and restlessness as I disappear into your head

If not magic or a spell you have cast?

So I explore the space where your neck meets your shoulder

A small moan escapes your lips 

the storms and the pain cease to inhabit your face

As possibilities are born no longer limited by experience

And I touch your face and kiss your lips

Hold you against me afraid to let you go

We anticipate every conversation we will ever have

While trapped in this bubble for a brief eternity

Grief

He was soft

his fur shined

he loved to be scratched 

on his cheeks

Nuzzle into my hand

i felt his wet nose

on my thumb

The first thing I noticed

He would not eat

Then he would

I thought it was ok

He lost weight

his fur still shone

His skin was loose

he would still nuzzle

my hand

He was not ok

I could no longer

deny

hide from the inevitable

his fur started to fall out

the vet said

we can only make him comfortable

He would not

Should not

Suffer

There was nothing

to be done for me

I had to get it together

To make the last

trip

I wanted to give him

Something special

But he was done eating

He still curled on my

lap

He still purred

Nuzzled my hand

I could tell 

he knew

An IV in his arm

Us alone in the room

I had to say goodbye

Through my tears

I wonder if he knew

What was coming

But finally it was

time

He went to sleep

My heart shattered

Grief never ends

I miss his wet

Nose on  my thumb

His soft fur on my cheek

Desire to Regret

 By now I must be

little more than an ache you

once felt

I miss you so much but

It was written from the

Start that I would disappear

That I would stay only as long as desire

I was the devil sent to tempt

You with forbidden lies

I was the apathetic god 

That sent the devil so I

Could watch with disinterest

I am the lie that anything

Exists on the path from desire

To regret

I keep you near only

Until you love me

Until the intensity overwhelms

The light and dark burst

From your chest

I am blinded and choked

Clutch my throat

Fall to my knees

Press my head to the pavement

I must leave so I

Might die alone

Remove my mask

Fade into anonymity

The winter will melt

I will become that ache you feel 

Somewhere between sin and misery

While I seek a muse to hear my confession

Your scar that tells the story of me

Fades to nothing

Never

I choose this medium
Sometimes I never want to
Promise an ending
I envision the light and shade
The hunger
For the lie of the canvas
Painted the many hues of gray
A beauty that never came to be
Repeat Deeper
An impotent scream from high
Beyond our understanding
I curl into a ball
At the base of the mountain
And wonder why I would imagine
Such a desolate place

Experience

When do we cease to
Be aware?
All experience is memory
Death is the end of
Memory
How long before
Does everything go
Dark?
A second?
A minute?
A year?
Will we experience

Death?

In the Park

 I sat on the bank
Watching the creek
Flow
The lines pop out
As waves move
Past rock and rural
Debris
Leaves rustle
Overhead a bird
Lands on the other
Side
I am overcome
With how alive
As the world
Pulses around me
Tears sting my 
Eyes and I am helpless
Burdened
With how little I matter
Yet waste my life
Anyway

12/10/21

A Quiet Mind

A quiet mind
Nothing to say
No opinions
No stories
A terrible waste
It is an unfortunate state
It is the price
However
For a quiet mind